In a Not so Small Nutshell

I thought that my last blog was about six months ago. Seems that it was about a YEAR AGO!!! Where oh were has the time gone? This past year has been a whirl wind of activities and events. The summer vanished before my eyes and I guess the biggest day of the year for our family occurred on August 5th.
We raced to the chiro to get the children adjusted, something that we have implemented with a MUCH desired and successful outcome. Gary headed to the church with them as I departed for a the funeral of a dear friends Dad. How my heart broke for her as I headed down 35 south. I thought of the ups and downs she would be experiencing over the next year.. years. How she would shed tears because she missed him more than words, how she would laugh at times they shared, how she would envy heaven for having him and envy him for being in the presence of the Savior. I thought all of this as I sat.. on 35. yes.. Sat... and realized that I was going to be late. I exited the highway to bypass some of the traffic. We all know that when that happens you inevitably hit a red light. I was the first at the light and therefor the first to pull into the intersection, which made me the first to be hit by the car who was in a hurry to get to work and failed to stop at his red light. Now, a million things go through ones mind when you see the light pole growing closer to your car. 'This cant be good!" "This is gonna hurt!" I never saw my life flash before my eyes thank goodness:) And Praise God, his hand was on my car. Literally inches separated the car from the huge light post and possibly major pain. After an hour of waiting for the police to show and then lunch, it was decided I should go to the hospital to be on the safe side.

Now, I am thinking that I have got to get into and out of this ER in a timely manner because I have a surprise party for my dear husband at Spring Creek with many people.. and of course, he is clueless even though I do this about every other year. Of course they want to do x-rays and the first question they ask a woman before x-rays is.... "Are you pregnant?" Well now, that was a good question this go around. We had been trying for a few months, but had been unsuccessful. As I looked at my calendar, I realized that we should probably test. Gary got on the phone and started asking for prayers for the x-rays and such as the nurse came in and wheeled me to the room. We had indeed been blessed with pregnancy #4, but he would not be told yet because he was ON THE PHONE!!! So into x-ray I went being triple shielded for the upper x-rays and denying the lower ones. As I came out he says, "So I guess you arent pregnant." My response? "Happy Birthday, Dear!" He was just as excited as he was with the previous three wanting to call everyone immediately and making a fb post even though I told him to wait:) He has never been good at keeping exciting news a secret. All checked out well, with only soft tissue damage and off we went to the Birthday party.
Things were pretty routine until September 14th. I sat in the nursery on a Wednesday night holding a sweet little one and it hit.. there was a gush. I asked that they go get Gary because I was sure that our sweet #4 was gone. As he took the kids to a friends and then home, a church member drove me to the hospital. All I could think about was how disappointed my excited husband was going to be. This was his requested baby. While Micaiah was desired by both of us, most women have come to the time when we are READY and #1 is because we are READY. Charis and Tobias were both purely planned by our Heavenly Father. But #4... #4 was desired by Gary. Only twice in my life have I felt that I had irreversibly let down the man I loved more than any other. Once when I was single as I sat with my dad and shed tears with him assuring me he was not disappointed. Then second time being Sept 14th. Now, while we all know that in most cases a woman can do nothing about and has done nothing to cause a miscarriage, in that moment when it is staring her in the face she may KNOW that.. but it does not take away the responsibility that she feels. Of course the ER was the busiest it had been EVER! I literally sat in the ER in a wheelchair wondering.. waiting. Praise God that I have an awesome church family that starting showing up. They sat with me, bugged the ER staff about when they would see me, what number was I, why did he go in first. Two separate times, two different nurses came to me and told me to go home and take advil. What was going to happen was inevitable and would just take time. Our children's minister insisted I stay for a sonogram. Hours later I was wheeled back and examined. Long and closed. Long and closed??? Yes, long and closed. Time for the sonogram. Gary was not allowed in. I asked if I could see the screen, after three babies I knew what I was looking for. She denied. As she stayed in one spot for a very long time, I couldnt help but wonder what she was seeing. Finally, she moved and as she did she turned the screen toward me. Now, I dont know about you.. but I had never seen a high tech sono of an 11 week old BABY!! This is not a fetus people.. not an embryo.. this is A BABY!!! and it was MY BABY!! doing FLIPS!!! Literally from back to front! There were eyes, a nose, a mouth.. hands feet!!! AND because I knew what I was looking at along with the relief that one cannot describe came a flood of questions. The sac was full! I could see it!! So what was the fluid I lost? where did it come from?
I could see the relief, yet great concern on my husbands face as I was telling him. The dr came in and having spoken to my dr, I was placed on complete bed rest and told I had two placental tears. I was sent home with gloves to 'sift through any tissue' I might encounter and told to go to the Dr on Monday. Do you have any idea how far Monday is from the Wednesday before? ugh. My mom came up to help with the children and we anticipated a long stretch of bed rest.

As Monday came Gary drove me to the Dr. and the sonogram showed no further bleeding or loss. The tears had healed!! I asked the dr where the fluid came from and he could not answer. The embryonic sac was still full, the baby doing well. The only concern at this point was total previa, which I could totally deal with. I was placed on pelvic rest and sent home. While the next six weeks were trying due to the effects of the abruption, they were hardest due to the nausea which lasted until week 21. I had my next sono at this point. Baby #4 was a BOY!! and measuring right on target! Not only that but TOTAL previa had moved COMPLETELY!! God is so good! Complete healing. Complete.

In November there was a phone call. The one that as a wife I have dreaded. Gary's grandfather had a stroke. Praise GOD that Gary had been with him the day before and gotten to spend some time with him. But the call, the information, the knowledge of what this could mean what like being hit in the face with a frying pan. I didnt want to tell him. Two months later we are coming to terms with what is. Grandpa is physically fairly healthy. While we are not guaranteed tomorrow, he looks good and is being treated for what seem to be physical side affects from the stroke. Mentally, I will admit that it is somewhat heartbreaking to talk with him, but it is not completely discouraging. Just recently he requested to see us .. by name. He loves on our babies...LOVES ON THEM! Their photos sit right next to the computer screen where he watches the office because that is where HE wants them. Seeing him just last week, he took my hand and massaged it as he does. He knows I am pregnant and knows the baby will be here in a few months. And he looks at me and says, "I cant talk real good." Now, while that is HEARTBREAKING because he KNOWS he 'cant talk real good', let me also tell you that it is extremely encouraging! I told him that he needed to be patient and take it slow and that he would get it. It breaks my heart to watch my husband come to terms with what is going on with the only man he has every really had to rely on, to look up to, to cherish.. The man that fought for him, funded him, and loved him. BUT God is Faithful. God is Faithful.

Back to 2011. The rest of the year progressed as normal, which was truly a blessing. New friendships were built, the church making gains in many areas, sweet children celebrating Christmas and learning much from their amazing teachers.. Blessings.. Blessings..

As we have started the new year it still seems as though I have yet to stop. There is work to be done, children to raise, a husband to love, and ministry to be shared. I long for next week when I anticipate a slow in some things. But even before that, Tuesday we will get another glimpse at Baby #4. I am ready to start preparations. Ready to get ready. Ready for yet another Blessing to be brought to our family. And ready to share that blessing, thankful for the ability to do so. and let me tell you that if it didnt sound so feminine to me.. this baby might have been named Blessing!